Wednesday, 2 September 2009

mokie: Earthrise seen from the moon (Default)
The people behind Eternal Earthbound Pets would like you to pay $110 (plus $15 per additional animal) to have an atheist care for your pet in case of Rapture.

Oh sure, they can confirm that their representatives have no faith, but can they confirm that they have experience?

Friends, I have both pet and housesitting experience, and I am volunteering to watch not just your Left Behind pets, but your house, car, and other valuables as well!* Free of charge!

And unlike EEP's representatives, I am not an atheist but rather a bona fide tree-hugging socialist hippie-type heathen. You can trust that not only will I treat your dog, cat or other pet just as if it had a soul and a personality**, I will not experience any terror-induced crises of faith that send me fleeing back into the arms of Mother Church and up to Heaven to join you sans refund.

No, friends! For me, there will always be a perfectly rational explanation for mass global disappearances, possibly involving military activities, Eldritch gods, aliens and/or ley lines. Your pets will be safe with me until they die of old age and I shove them in a freezer to be buried at the next New Moon.

Sign up now by mailing a duplicate set of your keys to my post office box!

* Vehical coverage not applicable if Rapture occurs while you're behind the wheel.

** Except squirrels. Everyone knows squirrels have no souls.

Profile

mokie: Earthrise seen from the moon (Default)
mokie

January 2025

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930 31 

Credit

Page generated Tuesday, 8 July 2025 04:50 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

About dream/reading tags

y-* tags categorize dreams.

For types: beyond the obvious, there are dreamlets (very short dreams), stubs (fragment/outline of a partially-lost dream), gnatter (residual impression of a lost dream).

For characters: there are roles (characters fitting an archetype), symbols (characters as symbols), and sigils (recurring figures with a significance bigger than a single dream's role/symbolism).

x-* tags categorize books.

Material is categorized primarily by structure, style and setting. If searching for a particular genre, look for the defining features of that genre, e.g. x-form:nonfic:bio, x-style:horror, x-setting:dystopian.

Tags