mokie | Friday, 7 June 2013

Friday, 7 June 2013

I feel frayed and twitchy lately. I didn't want to admit it (I would rather it be job stress or sleep issues, because I can fix those) but I seem to be teetering on the edge of a pretty steep funk. In the interest of being honest with myself, and because it's less likely to catch me off-guard next time if I note these things as they happen, I figured I should write that down somewhere, and this being my journal, it seemed as good a place as any.

So how does one know when a mokie is down?

#1. Lists. Lots of lists. Lists of lists, even. It's not so much the usual attempt to organize and corral the chaos of life as it is mental pacing at the bars of a jail cell.

#2. Obsessive media indulgence and investment. The best example is the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Long before the first film was finished and released, I kept up with the website and making-of information and photos and preview clips, not because I was a hardcore Tolkien or fantasy fan but because it offered a rich and deeply textured reality that wasn't this one. It stopped being escapism and became a weird bargaining chip when the depression got nasty (can't kill myself halfway through a trilogy now, right?), which is how I finally recognized what I was doing.

Don't misunderstand me: loving a movie isn't odd for me, but that kind of obsessive investment in the details is. I adore Dark City, but I didn't go superfan on it; Let the Right One In is one of my favorite vampire films ever, but I still can't be bothered to read the novel.

But ask me how many interviews and blog posts I've read about Hannibal, or how many goofy screen caps and fan drawings I've shared with my sister. See: rich and deeply textured reality that isn't this one.

#3. Careful management of human contact. More so than usual, anyway. For example, a week or three ago, fed up after some updating frustration, I uninstalled my IM program. It didn't seem a big deal: I don't know many people who IM anymore, those who do also know me through Facebook or Twitter, and I'd get around to reinstalling when I wasn't so flustered by it. It wasn't like I was cutting myself off from anybody. Except that's exactly what it was like. It was an open window through which I was vulnerable to contact, and that's where the frustration was really coming from.

Across the table is conspicuous communication: lately I have intentionally hung out, put in an appearance, gone all chatty and generally been far friendlier than I am when I'm not nearing a funk. I'm not sure if I'm compensating for any possible extra moodiness from the funk, or if I'm establishing an alibi and putting on a show of being just-fine-thanks. If nothing else, at least it keeps me from wearing tissue box shoes and collecting my own urine.

#4. Added sensitivity to light, sound, touch, interruption... I am so easily derailed by sound right now that my usual background noise to block out derailing sounds is too much sound. My ability to focus is shot all to hell.

#5. Absolute investment in pleasure. I guess this would be creating a rich and deeply textured alternate reality of my own? I'm not sure. The blue hair, the Katwise coat that hits all my squee spots, the photos and art supplies and fountain pens and sad hobbits and stupid things people share on Tumblr--they're like little happy-making talismans against the funk, and I wonder if I'm enjoying them harder than I normally would because enjoying things is itself harder right now.

Current Mood: melancholy

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mokie

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Page Summary

Or maybe it's all those SAD folks shedding their winter grumpies on me...

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Base style: Abstractia by chiming
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Page generated Saturday, 5 July 2025 09:33 am

About dream/reading tags

y-* tags categorize dreams.

For types: beyond the obvious, there are dreamlets (very short dreams), stubs (fragment/outline of a partially-lost dream), gnatter (residual impression of a lost dream).

For characters: there are roles (characters fitting an archetype), symbols (characters as symbols), and sigils (recurring figures with a significance bigger than a single dream's role/symbolism).

x-* tags categorize books.

Material is categorized primarily by structure, style and setting. If searching for a particular genre, look for the defining features of that genre, e.g. x-form:nonfic:bio, x-style:horror, x-setting:dystopian.

Tags

absinthe-minded [7]
absolutely scrumtrulescent! [13]
adorable plague vectors [1]
aha! [18]
all is full of love [6]
altared slates [7]
and to your right are wing-gremlins [3]
and yet it moves [8]
anonymice and orthophants [8]
anxiety soup [7]
apocalypse wow! [13]
apropos or no [10]
archies in their bunkers [9]
argument for hermitage [13]
arse drink feck girls [10]
as you wish [5]
astronaut sniper [1]
aw hell no [13]
baa [1]
back to the sad mines [5]
behold mah belly [5]
being of sound mind and body [12]
bridge for sale [14]
bunnucular facilities [3]
but wait! [8]
can't brain today [6]
can't sleep tim curry will eat me [6]
cat jelly [1]
celluloid-based lifeforms [15]
charisma wars [5]
church of candy [4]
cleanliness is next to ocd [4]
confused? you won't be... [4]
corked fork [1]
crackerlicious! [7]
crackheads off the port bow! [1]
crappily ever after [7]
crazy like a fox news viewer [15]
creepy and kooky [21]
creme fraiche [2]
crossposted goodness [19]
cutting out the boring parts [1]
cybernetic soapbox [10]
d'oh! [11]
damn the man! [8]
das sproggins [8]
dead of the affluenza [8]
dear whomever [3]
debatable hamster wang [1]
deedubyosity [2]
delayed reaction [19]
deserves its own tag [5]
dirigible wars of 1982 [6]
do not adjust your screen [6]
does not fempute! [13]
domesticity achieved! [10]
doom! [14]
drinking instant karma [7]
eat the rich [7]
eat the rude [11]
echoes of [2]
eeevil [24]
elephants [8]
eljaeity [4]
emoriffic [11]
endangered bovine syndrome [21]
erase that mental image [8]
eta [17]
explaining heaven to bears [26]
feel trip to feeladelphia [1]
feline persuasion [4]
fellowship of the thing [12]
fine chilean sea bass [12]
fire is the cleanser [12]
firecrotch factor [1]
fist in the air and head in the sand [11]
fistful of stupid [4]
get off my lawn! [1]
glorious streisandfreude [9]
goldfish says what? [26]
gone to my unhappy place [13]
hail mall-gok! god of commerce! [15]
hail sterculius! [36]
happy happy joy joy! [13]
hark! tis the song of my people [1]
hedgehog quarterly [10]
hello snowflake! [21]
herding thoughts [1]
hey now [9]
hideous space reptiles [8]
hidey-ho [3]
holiday grab bag [10]
holler fish [22]
holy ground highlander! [16]
home of the squirrelly [11]
i must not fear [9]
i see a tall dark stranger [2]
i think i'll go for a walk [10]
i will do science to it [24]
i'll use small words [27]
i'm a social butterfly! [9]
in the unloved corner [3]
internet tour guide [20]
it becomes self-aware at 2.14am [21]
it came from the intarweb [15]
it's my therapy knife [3]
it's weatherish out there [10]
japanese moon rover [7]
john has a long moustache [21]
jumping at shadows [1]
laser tag [4]
less invasions! more equations! [6]
lesson! if you see a stranger follow him [6]
link rot ahoy [2]
listolicious [12]
little snackrifices [9]
live from my pants! [15]
live from the salt mines [14]
lolitics [8]
look what i made! [1]
love and hate and reality tv [15]
major leaflet campaign [1]
mediapocalypse [32]
mental shoebox [11]
metareader's digest [16]
moving pictures [1]
my common sense is tingling [46]
my fellow earthicans [38]
my god it's full of lol [19]
name that tune [1]
neutron star [5]
no soap radio [13]
not a morning person [4]
note to self [2]
nsfcw [1]
ohana mofo [2]
omgwtfzombiebbq [7]
one pill makes you larger [7]
orbiting the monkeysphere [3]
organic gmo-free hemlock [3]
osh kosh b'goth [10]
passive-aggressive possum [13]
perfectly cromulent [32]
person-shaped blobs of sentient misery [5]
phoebelicious [5]
plague on both your houses! [5]
practicando the parlez-vous [40]
president of the nillionaire's club [5]
projectile uterus [5]
purple monkey dishwasher [4]
rageonomics [6]
rain of shoes [2]
raised by wolves [19]
rawr! [30]
reading ridealong [7]
retrostalgic reminiscences [12]
sacrelicious! [3]
salute some shorts [27]
sappy's choice [6]
say cheese [1]
say your safeword [17]
shaking my tiny fists [20]
sharing is caring [29]
shenanigans! [25]
shiny happy people [3]
shut up and write [2]
side of fremdschamen [12]
skull full of wasps [3]
snotalicious [13]
so i was watching this thing [24]
spacemonkey mafia [10]
spoileriffic [1]
squeeful things [24]
squirrel bait! [16]
standing ovulation [8]
state of the mokie [15]
stupid questions lj asks [7]
stupid questions mokie asks [6]
summon bigger fish! [19]
sweep the leg! [18]
sweet baboon of florissant! [7]
sweet zavist zeitgeist [23]
tag me later [2]
tag me later! [7]
tag your pets! [2]
tagraggery [2]
talking to ghosts again [2]
taste the rainbow [7]
tea and blasphemy [9]
tea and crackers [6]
technically people [1]
that place where bees come from [3]
the great unhip [20]
the internet will know what to do [14]
the man is a christmas miracle [6]
the root of the problem is bigfoot [19]
themeday memeday [8]
they've gone to plaid! [6]
things i hate [28]
this hateful hiatus [2]
this is my design [21]
this is my shiny thing! [8]
this is why we can't have nice things [25]
this toads the wet sprocket! [5]
three cheers for reincarnation! [4]
till someone loses an eye [3]
to the oubliette [9]
touched by an anvil [22]
tree bad fire pretty [10]
tweetalicious [4]
twirling towards freedom [10]
two lincolns for every napoleon [25]
tyranny of the coffee machine [12]
unfairest of them all [5]
unicorn shit everywhere [19]
united states of bitch [5]
until your forehead bleeds [1]
urban jungle [1]
viva el moochismo! [6]
wandering in edom [10]
watching out for japanese well-girls [1]
we're going to need a bigger boat [2]
wet copper armour [2]
whatshisface [1]
wheel of morality turn turn turn [38]
when i grow up [7]
when i rule the world [32]
when i was a young warthog [13]
why did it have to be snakes? [25]
wild thingdom [4]
wisdom of the mokie [48]
wood=duck=witch [3]
x-audience
- adults [1]
  - women [1]
- ego [1]
x-conflict
- man v supernatural [1]
x-form
- fic
  - novella [1]
- nonfic
  - bio [1]
  - instructive [1]
- series [1]
x-place
- uk
  - england [1]
- usa
  - nj [1]
x-setting
- fantastic
  - supernatural [1]
x-style
- horror
  - cosmic [1]
- mystery
  - softboiled [1]
x-theme
- arrogance of man [1]
- behind the veil [1]
- character v author [1]
- gnostic nightmare [1]
- nature is not innocent [1]
- social examination [1]
x-time
- contemporary [1]
- victeddian [1]
xmarksthespot [3]
y-issue
- betrayal [1]
- clutter [1]
- contamination [2]
- failure [1]
- power [1]
- trust [2]
y-meta
- actors or stand-ins [2]
- bathroom [3]
- blast from the past [3]
- cycles [1]
- dorky details [5]
- lucidity [3]
  - control [1]
- macguffin [3]
- media tie-in [2]
- replay [1]
- resolutely no [1]
- resolution [1]
- scripted [2]
- word salad [1]
- work-related [1]
y-mood
- annoyance [2]
- anxiety [3]
- closure [1]
- concern [1]
- embarrassment [1]
- fear of erring [1]
- freedom [1]
- judgment [1]
- powerlessness [1]
- shame [1]
y-plot
- act
  - attack [1]
  - avoid [1]
  - converse [2]
  - exercise [1]
  - harvest [1]
  - hide [1]
  - pursue [1]
  - search [2]
  - sell [1]
  - steal [2]
  - wait [1]
  - walk [1]
- event
  - detour [2]
  - discovery [1]
  - infestation [1]
  - oversleeping [1]
  - party [1]
y-role
- dreamer [3]
- female protector [1]
- male aggressor [1]
- mediator [2]
- rival [2]
- trickster [1]
- unseen aggressor [1]
y-set
- building
  - bank [1]
  - basement [1]
  - bathroom [1]
  - hotel [1]
  - house [1]
  - restaurant [1]
  - school [2]
  - store [1]
  - theater [2]
- geo
  - europe [1]
    - ireland [1]
  - old house [1]
- space
  - exhibit [1]
  - garden [1]
  - maze [1]
  - parking lot [1]
  - passage [3]
  - tunnel [1]
- status
  - urban greening [1]
y-sigil
- two advocates [1]
y-sym
- act
  - attack [2]
  - avoid [1]
  - converse [1]
  - deceive [1]
  - pursue [1]
  - search [1]
  - steal [1]
  - test [1]
  - violence [2]
- animal
  - bird [1]
  - bug [1]
  - dinosaur [1]
  - reptile [1]
- body
  - eye [1]
  - head [1]
  - illness [1]
  - metamorphosis [1]
  - wing [1]
- object
  - blade [1]
  - camera [1]
  - clothing [1]
  - cup [1]
  - food [1]
  - game [1]
  - glasses [1]
  - image [1]
  - paperwork [1]
  - safe [1]
  - tree [1]
  - vehicle [2]
- other
  - anachronism [2]
  - business [4]
  - language [2]
  - money [1]
  - monster [1]
  - technology [1]
  - time [1]
- people
  - acquaintance [2]
  - child [2]
  - crowd [4]
  - family [2]
  - friend [1]
  - grandmother [1]
  - mother [1]
  - police [1]
  - rich bastard [1]
  - teacher [2]
  - thief [2]
  - typhoid mary [1]
  - ugh you [2]
  - unseen force [1]
  - worker bee [1]
  - zombie [1]
- sense
  - sight [1]
y-theme
- injustice [1]
- responsibility [1]
- secrets [1]
- socialization [1]
y-type
- affected [3]
- dream [3]
- dreamlet [2]
- lucid
  - semi [1]
- nightmare [3]
- stub [3]
you are my freight train [13]
ಠ_ಠ [21]

life in mokievision

always a cameron, never a ferris

Friday, 7 June 2013

Friday, 7 June 2013

Or maybe it's all those SAD folks shedding their winter grumpies on me...

Profile

January 2025

Page Summary

Credit

About dream/reading tags

Tags