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Childfree? They should be.
Tuesday, 2 August 2011 03:17 amSome people know exactly what they want from the time they can speak, and they pursue that want like it kicked their dog and owes them money.
Most of us know what we want, but our wants change because our lives change. None of us are the same people at 50 that we were at 25. None of us are even the same people at 25 that we were at 15. We grow with life and experience, and some of the things we want remain while others change. Some become less of a priority, some are relegated to official daydream status, and still others completely flip-flop.
This is a good thing. We'd be pretty crappy people if we never grew, and many of the things we wanted at 5, 15, 25, whatever, are not right for who we are now.And that's why the Rolling Stones should retire already. That's life, and we shouldn't be afraid to change, to grow, and to admit that what we wanted way-back-when isn't right for us anymore.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to separate what we know we'll want forever from what we just really really really want right now. We can be swear-onna-Bible certain that we'll always want it, and then five years later, hideously embarrassed because, well, Whitesnake? Really? Yay for tattoo removal!
And unfortunately, there will always be that person who points and says, "I told you that you'd outgrow that phase," or "I knew you'd change your mind." Sometimes they're jerks trying to imply that they're smarter than you--so smart they knew you better than you knew yourself. Sometimes they're family members who still think of you as a little kid, and their told-you-so's are personal reassurances that you didn't fall all that far out of line with their idea of your future. And, sure, sometimes they're family members who are just jerks, because that happens too.
There's a point here, I swear.
If you have a young relative who has declared that they don't want kids, ever? Great! Don't knock it! Support their decision, because nuts to 'ever'--they've chosen not to get knocked up now, and that's a good thing. If it's age-relevant and not creepy uncle-ish, ask them how they're preventing pregnancy and give them the, "Pulling out doesn't work, stupid!" talk. Let them know you support their decision to take responsibility, because this choice involves behaving responsibly and you should support that.
Sure, they may change their minds when they're older. So what? Some childfree folks decide later that this is no longer right for them; the diehard childfree will give them grief enough for everybody, so lay off. And your young relative may be one of those who are happy with their decision all their lives. Buy their cat a Christmas present and get over it.
We should be able to admit that people make choices or change their lives even in ways which we don't personally understand, but which are right for them.* If you can be the person who gets that, instead of the jerk who says, "You'll want one, just wait!", then maybe you won't have to be the person in the hospital waiting room a year from now laughing and telling their parents, "Well, you told her she'd change her mind..."
* The mysterious tranformation of Stephen Baldwin into a way right-wing Republican, for instance. What the hell, Doyle?
Most of us know what we want, but our wants change because our lives change. None of us are the same people at 50 that we were at 25. None of us are even the same people at 25 that we were at 15. We grow with life and experience, and some of the things we want remain while others change. Some become less of a priority, some are relegated to official daydream status, and still others completely flip-flop.
This is a good thing. We'd be pretty crappy people if we never grew, and many of the things we wanted at 5, 15, 25, whatever, are not right for who we are now.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to separate what we know we'll want forever from what we just really really really want right now. We can be swear-onna-Bible certain that we'll always want it, and then five years later, hideously embarrassed because, well, Whitesnake? Really? Yay for tattoo removal!
And unfortunately, there will always be that person who points and says, "I told you that you'd outgrow that phase," or "I knew you'd change your mind." Sometimes they're jerks trying to imply that they're smarter than you--so smart they knew you better than you knew yourself. Sometimes they're family members who still think of you as a little kid, and their told-you-so's are personal reassurances that you didn't fall all that far out of line with their idea of your future. And, sure, sometimes they're family members who are just jerks, because that happens too.
There's a point here, I swear.
If you have a young relative who has declared that they don't want kids, ever? Great! Don't knock it! Support their decision, because nuts to 'ever'--they've chosen not to get knocked up now, and that's a good thing. If it's age-relevant and not creepy uncle-ish, ask them how they're preventing pregnancy and give them the, "Pulling out doesn't work, stupid!" talk. Let them know you support their decision to take responsibility, because this choice involves behaving responsibly and you should support that.
Sure, they may change their minds when they're older. So what? Some childfree folks decide later that this is no longer right for them; the diehard childfree will give them grief enough for everybody, so lay off. And your young relative may be one of those who are happy with their decision all their lives. Buy their cat a Christmas present and get over it.
We should be able to admit that people make choices or change their lives even in ways which we don't personally understand, but which are right for them.* If you can be the person who gets that, instead of the jerk who says, "You'll want one, just wait!", then maybe you won't have to be the person in the hospital waiting room a year from now laughing and telling their parents, "Well, you told her she'd change her mind..."
* The mysterious tranformation of Stephen Baldwin into a way right-wing Republican, for instance. What the hell, Doyle?
