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BOOTYNEWS! ALL BOOTY ALL THE TIME!
Wednesday, 16 September 2009 09:43 pm#1. Damn, Beyoncé done lost her booty. Somebody tell her that cardio is for white bitches already.
#2. While the media was asking how Scientologists managed to build a Katiebot so fast, nobody noticed that our regular J-Lo has been replaced by Folgers flat-bottomed crystals. Isn't motherhood supposed to make your ass grow, Jenny?
#3. Can we shove the rest of the Kardashians back in the closet now? I think Kim's got enough ass for all of us. Besides, I thought she was just filling in till J-Lo lost the baby fat.
What the hell do the Kardashians do, anyway? Do they sing? Make porn? There has to be a reason they're on magazines, right?
#4. I don't care how good someone looks for having given birth to a whole litter of kids at one time. That's like complimenting someone on how good they look for having been mangled by a bus. No more pictures of Kate Gosselin in a swimsuit. Ever.
[Ed. - re. bus mangling, it's a conditional caveat. Not that motherhood makes one look like they were hit by a bus. Usually . Actually, this has nothing to do with Gosselin's appearance. We just don't want see her anymore.]
[Ed. - also, looks like a mom. Ew.]
#5. Above comment does not apply to gravid photos of Catherine Zeta Jones, as she just looks damn fine pregnant, and I'm all for knocking her up again. I'd do it myself, but I lack testicles.
#6. I demand that John Travolta and Kirsty Alley be locked up in a trailer together until Scientology admits that she needs to be medicated, a new "Look Who's Talking" movie comes out, or she eats him.
No, that's not a fat joke. That's a batshit crazy joke.
How does that relate to BOOTYNEWS? Simple--her ass be crazy!
And now, I'm going to work.
#2. While the media was asking how Scientologists managed to build a Katiebot so fast, nobody noticed that our regular J-Lo has been replaced by Folgers flat-bottomed crystals. Isn't motherhood supposed to make your ass grow, Jenny?
#3. Can we shove the rest of the Kardashians back in the closet now? I think Kim's got enough ass for all of us. Besides, I thought she was just filling in till J-Lo lost the baby fat.
What the hell do the Kardashians do, anyway? Do they sing? Make porn? There has to be a reason they're on magazines, right?
#4. I don't care how good someone looks for having given birth to a whole litter of kids at one time. That's like complimenting someone on how good they look for having been mangled by a bus. No more pictures of Kate Gosselin in a swimsuit. Ever.
[Ed. - re. bus mangling, it's a conditional caveat. Not that motherhood makes one look like they were hit by a bus. Usually . Actually, this has nothing to do with Gosselin's appearance. We just don't want see her anymore.]
[Ed. - also, looks like a mom. Ew.]
#5. Above comment does not apply to gravid photos of Catherine Zeta Jones, as she just looks damn fine pregnant, and I'm all for knocking her up again. I'd do it myself, but I lack testicles.
#6. I demand that John Travolta and Kirsty Alley be locked up in a trailer together until Scientology admits that she needs to be medicated, a new "Look Who's Talking" movie comes out, or she eats him.
No, that's not a fat joke. That's a batshit crazy joke.
How does that relate to BOOTYNEWS? Simple--her ass be crazy!
And now, I'm going to work.
